For a lot of people, the highway to personal transformation and self-improvement is a long and winding boulevard filled with intricate barriers. Pharmaceutical companies in particular have capitalized on and created immense fortunes because of the elusive search for the "Magic Pill" that will answer all of your prayers. As it turns out, there is a secret formula for success, and it begins in the subconscious mind.

One of the rules of NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) is that "there is a positive intention behind all behaviors." And based on that rule, when it comes to eliminating negative behaviors, there is a formula that we should always keep in mind. I'll let you in on the secret equation in a minute. But first, I have a riddle for you to solve. 

Riddle: A preacher made his son drink lye, which burned out his vocal chords. What was the positive intent behind his behavior? 

If you are like almost all of the clients who have visited my office since 1978, you'll exclaim something like: "There isn't any." But you would be completely in error. To answer this riddle, you have to disconnect the behavior from the positive objective of the behavior. 

The minister's son was cursing. And the minister believes that if his son curses, his soul will be condemned to Hell. So the answer is that the minister was burning out his child's vocal cords so that he couldn't curse. By doing so, he was saving his child's soul from being condemned to Hell. 

The secret formula for successful personal change works as follows: 

We must value the positive intent that motivates each behavior. If we have a compulsion to use a behavior that we do not appreciate, we can quickly get rid of the urge to use that behavior. All we must do is to find a different behavior to substitute in its place. To be successful, the new conduct must be as available and efficient at accomplishing the same outcome, but be more consciously acceptable to you. This is called a REFRAME. 

When clients come into my office, one of the first things that I do is to take a detailed case history. In this instance, let's imagine that they come in and ask me to help them suppress their appetite. Conventional wisdom tells us that the two main reasons that anyone eats too much food are: (1) for relaxation and pleasure; (2) because eating can be a conditioned response. For example, if a person eats while they are talk on the phone, they will develop a conditioned response, and thereafter, every time they talk on the phone they will get cravings for food. 

However, the above answer only takes into consideration the possible secondary gain from the eating behavior. What if they also have another behavior that is involved in the equation? For instance: What if being fat is also a behavior for this person? I can hear your mind spinning right now as you think, "Being overweight isn't a behavior, what are you talking about?" 

Sorry but you could be entirely off the mark. Here is one common textbook example that will clearly illustrate the fact that being overweight can be a behavior. It can be a behavior because it can accomplish positive outcomes. 

Example: A woman falls deeply in love. Her boyfriend leaves her, and breaks her heart. Her subconscious wants to shield her emotionally and prevent her from ever having her heart broken again. So it motivates her to get overweight to keep her out of relationships. Because if she isn't in a relationship she can't get her heart broken again. 

The point is that everyone is totally different. And sometimes there are subliminal elements at work causing uncontrollable behaviors. These are elements that are different for each person.

Here is another instance: A woman comes to my office complaining of an uncontrollable compulsion to overeat at mealtime. During the case history, upon questioning, the woman tells me about how she was never able to please her father. 

During an age regression, we learned that one of her early memories was of having a meal with the family. And dad was insisting in an authoritive voice that she eat what was left on her plate, even though she was full. So she finished the food on her plate because of fear, and her father commended her for eating everything. It was one of the only times in her life that she could recall her dad telling her that he was happy with her. 

Jump forward to the present. Dad's been deceased for years, but the subconscious program he created is still functioning. She still has a compulsion to eat all of the food on her plate, even if she is feeling full, because by cleaning the plate, in her unconscious she is getting dad's approval, and eliminating her own fear!

So if you find it difficult to make personal changes, remember that there is a positive intent causing all behaviors. And the formula for success is to use another behavior that will achieve the same secondary gain, but in a way that is more consciously acceptable to you, as an individual. The most efficient way to get your subconscious to take the responsibility for making this kind of alteration for you is through an NLP 6-Step Reframe.

Alan B. Densky, CH is an NGH Certified Hypnotherapist and NLP Practitioner who is a pioneer the hypnotherapy field. He started his practice in February of 1978. 

He is the developer of the Neuro-VISION Hypnosis technology, which received a US Patent. He also offers NLP and Ericksonian Hypnosis MP3s which effectively eliminate a broad range of symptoms. 

Visit both the Neuro-VISION Video Hypnosis site, and the  Best Hypnosis Downloads Hypnotherapy site to download a FREE Hypnotic Power Relaxation Program, or subscribe to one or more of the world-class hypnosis newsletters.

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